How Can I Support Someone in My Life Who Does Not Want to Live And/ Or Participate in Life?

Table Of Contents

• Introduction
• Key Takeaways 
• Understanding Their Struggle
• Creating a Safe and Supportive Environment 
• Effective Communication Strategies 
• Encouraging Professional Help in Kelowna 
• Supporting Their Day-to-Day Life 
• Taking Care of Yourself 
• Recognizing Warning Signs and Taking Action 
• Frequently Asked Questions 
• Case Study
• Conclusion 
• Resources for Support in Kelowna 

Introduction

 Watching a loved one in Kelowna struggle with depression, suicidal thoughts, or a lack of desire to engage in life is heart-wrenching, especially when they are hesitant to accept help. Statements like “I don’t want to live like this, but I don’t want to die” or outright refusal of treatment can leave you feeling frustrated, exhausted, and powerless.

In British Columbia, where mental health awareness is growing year after year (and rightfully so!), your empathy and presence can provide hope, even amidst their journey. This blog post seeks to offer practical strategies to understand their struggles, communicate effectively, and connect them with a Kelowna counsellor or Kelowna therapist. By leveraging BC’s robust mental health resources and prioritizing your own well-being, you can support your loved one while staying grounded in Kelowna’s supportive community.

Key Takeaways

•  Listen and Validate: Offer a non-judgmental ear to help your loved one feel heard, reducing their resistance to support.
• Respect Their Autonomy: Avoid forcing help unless they’re in immediate danger, as pushing can lead to withdrawal or resentment.
• Encourage Small Steps: Suggest manageable actions like reading a relevant blog, watching a video, or listening to others in similar situations and what they did to help to ease them into professional and appropriate care.
• Act on Emergencies: If they show signs of active suicidal intent or a mental health crisis endangering themselves or others, contact 911, or the BC Crisis Line (1-800-784-2433).
• Prioritize Self-Care: Support yourself through caregiving by seeking out help from your social circle, a local Kelowna counsellor, community resources, or hobby groups to avoid burnout.
• Use Local Resources: Kelowna offers accessible mental health support, including Unyielding Health & Wellness, Foundry Kelowna, and Interior Health, to help both you and your loved one.

Understanding Their Struggle

To provide meaningful support, it’s essential to understand why your loved one may be disengaging from life, experiencing suicidal thoughts, or resisting help. In British Columbia, mental health challenges, particularly depression, affect over half of people at some point in their lives. Key reasons for their struggle include:

• Symptoms of Depression and Suicidal Ideation:
  • Feelings of sadness, hopelessness, irritability, or passive suicidal ideation. These can manifest as thoughts like “I don’t want to live like this, but I don’t want to die” without an active plan.
  • Loss of interest in activities normally enjoyed or looked forward to such as community events, hobbies, or social connections.
  • Sleep or appetite changes, fatigue, or unexplained physical symptoms like headaches or back pain.
  • Trouble concentrating, feelings of worthlessness, or thoughts like “I’m a burden” or “Nothing matters.”
  • Passive suicidal ideation can shift to active ideation (plans or intent), requiring urgent attention.
• Causes and Risk Factors:
  • Major Life Stressors: Job loss, relationship breakdowns, or financial pressures to name a few, anything that is a major negative disruption to how things have been and one’s quality of life. 
  • Trauma: Childhood or recent trauma, leading to feelings of powerlessness or existential despair.
  • Untreated Mental Health Conditions: Whether its depression, anxiety, schizophrenia, OCD, Work or School related stress; Deficits in mental health can pile up and have people believing that there is no hope of a better life.
  • Physical Health Issues: Chronic pain or disability.
  • Social Isolation: Feeling disconnected in rural or urban BC areas, amplifying loneliness.
  • Substance Use: Overuse of alcohol or drugs, worsening distress.
  • Access to Means: Availability of medications or firearms heightens risk if thoughts become active, as these methods have little forgivness.
• Reasons for Refusing Help:
  • Stigma: Fear of judgment for feeling the way they do in the first place.
  • Anosognosia: Unawareness of their condition, common in severe mental illnesses like schizophrenia, or deep depression.
  • Denial of Severity: Believing they can manage alone or symptoms aren’t serious.
  • Barriers to Care: Difficulty navigating BC’s healthcare system, financial constraints, or lack of culturally appropriate services.
  • Control and Resistance: A natural desire to control their life, leading to withdrawal when pushed, similar to resisting advice on personal changes like diet or anger management.
  • Treatment Concerns: Disliking medication side effects (e.g., nausea, weight gain) or distrust of therapy or other medical professionals.

Creating A Safe And Supportive Environment

 A non-judgmental space is crucial for someone with depression or suicidal thoughts, especially when they resist help. In Kelowna, where community connection thrives, you can foster this environment by:

• Being Present: Spend time together, perhaps walking by Okanagan Lake, showing care without pressure.
• Validating Feelings: Say, “I hear how much you’re hurting, and I’m here,” acknowledging their pain, including passive suicidal thoughts or frustration with treatment.
• Avoiding Judgment: Refrain from comments like “Just cheer up” or “You should try harder,” which can feel dismissive and increase resistance.
• Building Trust: Listen without interrupting, reflecting their words, e.g., “It sounds like you’re feeling like life is too hard right now, is that right?”

This approach can reduce defensiveness, creating a secure space that may encourage openness to explore their options to improve their quality of and engagement in life over time.

Effective Communication Strategies

Thoughtful communication can help your loved one feel heard, especially in BC, where mental health conversations are increasingly normalized. When they resist help, pushing can backfire, so focus on understanding their perspective. Try these strategies, informed by your interest in building empathy and trust, and being there for your loved one:

• Listen Actively and Validate: Let them share without offering unsolicited advice. Reflect their words, e.g., “That sounds really tough,” to help them feel understood, reducing defenses and fostering openness, as seen in effective therapeutic alliances.
• Ask Open-Ended Questions: Ask, “How are you feeling right now?” or “What’s been the hardest part for you?” to explore their emotions. If they’re open, ask about specific concerns, e.g., “How do you feel about taking medication?” to understand barriers like side effects.
• Express Concerns Gently: Say, “I’ve noticed you seem really down, and I’m worried. Can we talk?” Explain that depression or suicidal thoughts are treatable conditions, not flaws, e.g., “This isn’t your fault, and there’s help out there.”
• Resist Fixing or Advising: Avoid jumping to solutions unless asked. Agree where appropriate, e.g., “Yeah, medication side effects can be rough,” to show empathy and build trust, aligning with research on rapport-building in counselling.
• Explore Their Goals: Ask, “What do you want to feel better about—maybe work, sleep, or stress?” Start with their priorities rather than labeling it “mental illness” if they’re not ready, supporting their autonomy.
• Ask Direct Questions: If concerned, ask, “Are you thinking about suicide?” or “Do you feel like you don’t want to live anymore?” Direct questions are safe and can relieve their burden.
• Highlight Reasons for Living: Gently ask about what keeps them going, like family, pets, faith, or small joys like Kelowna’s morning coffee scene, to spark hope.

Avoid responses like “Snap out of it” or comparing their struggles, as these can increase resistance or isolation. And with all of this said, it’s best if it is authentic, and coming from a genuine place of love and desire for them to get better.

If you begin treating your loved one in this way though, be prepared to become a confidant for them, don’t just reach out when it is convenient for you and ignore all the other times they may need you (within reason). In saying this, there is a good chance you will have to commit time and energy to this person, which is commendable and something hopefully you look forward to. A Kelowna counsellor can guide you in refining these skills to support your loved one effectively, or can help by offering supportive services to your loved one.

Encouraging Professional Help In Kelowna

 Professional care from a Kelowna counsellor or Kelowna therapist is often crucial, but many in BC resist due to stigma, control issues, or practical barriers. Here’s how to encourage it without forcing, drawing on your interest in motivating your loved one and overcoming inertia (or lack thereof):

• Normalize Seeking Help: Share that many in Kelowna seek therapy, e.g., “Lots of people work with a Kelowna therapist to feel better, it’s a brave step toward change.” Frame it as a way to regain control, aligning with their desire for autonomy.
• Address Specific Concerns: If they fear stigma, say, “Therapy at Unyielding Health & Wellness is confidential and supportive.” If they dislike medication side effects, acknowledge, “I hear that the medication makes you feel worse sometimes, maybe a therapist could be another option”
• Offer Practical Assistance: Suggest, “I can help find a Kelowna counsellor, prepare questions, or go with you to an appointment.” Assist with navigating BC’s healthcare system or finding free services like CMHA Kelowna, reducing barriers.
• Explore Alternatives Together: If they say, “I don’t want therapy,” ask, “What’s something you would consider, that you believe would help?, and why?”. Start with their goals, like managing stress or improving sleep, and gently introduce professional support later.
• Start Small: Encourage manageable steps like calling HealthLink BC (811) or attending a CMHA Kelowna support group. Offer to assist with childcare or transportation to reduce barriers.
• Address Medication Concerns: If they’re starting or stopping medications, and experiencing mood fluctuations or other negative side effects, urge them to contact their GP or a Kelowna therapist.
• Respect Autonomy: If they refuse, avoid forcing unless they’re in immediate danger, as pushing can lead to resentment or withdrawal. 

In BC, the Mental Health Act allows involuntary treatment  if someone is a serious risk to themselves or others, requiring a physician’s assessment and possible judicial extension. Forcing help otherwise often leads to conflict, so prioritize support over control, but if you believe life is at risk, make the call..

Supporting Their Day-to-Day Life

Practical support can ease your loved one’s burden and help manage depression or passive suicidal ideation, while respecting their autonomy:

• Encourage Small Steps: Invite them for a coffee at a local café, a walk in Mission Creek Park, or a faith-based activity if spirituality is meaningful, aligning with interests to build motivation and experience joys life has to offer like nature and socializing. 
• Assist with Tasks: Help with groceries, childcare, chores, or create a simple routine for meals, medication, and sleep, reducing stress without taking over.
• Use Distraction Techniques: Suggest activities like listening to music, spending time with a pet, or visiting the Kelowna art gallery or museum, tailored to their preferences to lift their mood.
• Create a Safety Plan: Work together to list coping strategies when depressive or suicidal thoughts come about (e.g., deep breathing, calling a friend), reasons for living (e.g., family, pets, morning coffee), and support contacts (e.g., BC Crisis Line). Safety planning reduces hospitalization risk and encourages mental health treatment, supporting their journey toward recovery.
• Seek Social Support: Connect them with friends, family, or Kelowna community groups, as social connection boosts self-esteem and reduces feelings of burdensomeness, a key protective factor against suicide.
• Celebrate Progress: Acknowledge small efforts, from attending a therapy session to getting out of bed and participating in life even if just a little, to build confidence and reinforce their value and that they are loved on this earth.
• Provide Positive Reinforcement: Remind them of their strengths, countering thoughts like “I’m worthless,” e.g., “You are not worthless even if it feels that way sometimes, you mean so much to our family.”

These actions complement professional support, showing your loved one they’re valued and not alone, while respecting their pace, choices, and autonomy.

Taking Care Of Yourself

 Supporting someone with depression or suicidal ideation is emotionally exhausting, especially in BC’s fast-paced lifestyle, and can wear you out. Prioritize self-care to avoid burnout so you can continue competently helping your loved one:

• Set Boundaries: Step back if the situation compromises your safety or mental health. 
• Seek Support: A Kelowna counsellor can help you cope, or call the BC Crisis Line (1-800-784-2433) for immediate support. 
• Find Caregiver Support: Connect with others in caregiving roles through CMHA Kelowna or other helping groups online to vent and gain perspective, helping you decide when to push or let go.
• Practice Self-Care: Recharge with activities like hiking Knox Mountain, relaxing by Okanagan Lake, or connecting with friends to renew your spirit, and ensure that your quality of life remains fulfilling and energizing.

Recognizing Warning Signs And Taking Action

 In British Columbia, where suicide is a public health concern, recognizing warning signs of suicidal ideation/action is critical. Watch for:

• Depression Symptoms: Sadness, irritability, loss of interest, sleep or appetite changes, fatigue, or trouble concentrating.
• Passive Suicidal Ideation: Statements like “I don’t want to live like this, but I don’t want to die,” or frequent thoughts of not wanting to live without a plan.
• Worsening Signs: Increased withdrawal, or mentions of not wanting to live, signalling potential escalation to active ideation.
• Mental Health Crisis Signs:
  • Active suicidal thoughts, urges, or plans (e.g., “I’m going to kill myself” or stockpiling pills, buying rope).
  • Psychosis (e.g., hallucinations, delusions), common in schizophrenia.
  • Manic episodes or severe mood swings.
  • Inability to care for themselves (e.g., neglecting hygiene).
• Suicide Warning Signs:
  • Talking about death or wishing they were dead.
  • Withdrawing from social contact or saying goodbye as if final.
  • Risky behaviors, like reckless driving or increased substance use.
  • Giving away belongings or getting affairs in order without reason.

If you suspect a mental health emergency, act immediately:

• Ask Directly: “Are you thinking about ending your life?” to open dialogue safely but directly and to the point, you want a clear yes or no answer.
• Ensure Safety: Stay with them, remove dangerous items (e.g., medications, sharp objects), and create a safety plan with coping strategies and support contacts.
• Contact Professionals:
  • Immediate Danger: Call 911, informing them it’s a mental health crisis, and request a Car 87 team (Kelowna’s mobile crisis response with police and mental health professionals, available via 911)
  • Non-Emergency: Call the BC Crisis Line (1-800-SUICIDE or 1-800-784-2433) or Interior Health’s crisis team (310-MHSU or 310-6478).
• Involuntary Treatment: Under BC’s Mental Health Act, if someone is a serious risk to themselves or others (e.g., psychotic break, overdose, or active suicidal intent), a physician can authorize a 48-hour hospital hold at Kelowna General Hospital, extendable with judicial approval. Contact a Kelowna therapist or GP to initiate an assessment, but recognize forcing help can lead to resentment if not critical.
• Monitor Triggers: Note what worsens symptoms (e.g., stress, isolation) and what helps (e.g., routine, social connection) to tailor support.

Frequently Asked Questions

What Is Passive Suicidal Ideation, And How Is It Different From Active Suicidal Ideation?
Passive suicidal ideation involves thoughts of not wanting to live, like “I don’t want to live like this, but I don’t want to die,” without a plan or intent. Active suicidal ideation includes a specific plan, means, or intent to die. Passive ideation can escalate quickly, so it’s crucial to encourage professional help from a Kelowna therapist to prevent progression.

How Can I Tell If My Loved One’s Depression Or Suicidal Thoughts Are Getting Worse?
Look for increased withdrawal, slowed thinking or movement, frequent mentions of not wanting to live, or behaviors like giving away belongings or risky actions. If you notice these, ask directly about suicidal thoughts and contact the BC Crisis Line (1-800-784-2433).

What Should I Do If My Loved One Refuses Therapy Or Medication?
Listen and validate their feelings, explore their goals, and offer small steps like calling HealthLink BC (811). Avoid forcing help unless they’re in immediate danger, as pushing can lead to resentment. Suggest low barrier options like reading a relevant blog, watching a video, or listening to others in similar situations and what they did to help to ease them into professional and appropriate care like at Unyielding Health & Wellness, and be patient, keeping communication open.

Can I Force My Loved One To Get Mental Health Treatment In BC?
In BC, you cannot force treatment unless they pose a serious risk to themselves or others, per the Mental Health Act. A physician can authorize a 48-hour hospital hold, extendable with judicial approval. For non-emergencies, encourage voluntary help through a Kelowna therapist, as forcing can harm trust.

What Are Some Effective Ways To Support My Loved One’s Daily Life Without Taking Over?
Offer practical help like assisting with chores, encouraging small activities (e.g., a walk in Mission Creek Park), or creating a safety plan with coping strategies and reasons for living. Respect their autonomy, celebrate small progress, and connect them with social support to boost their sense of belonging.

How Can I Care For Myself While Supporting A Loved One In Kelowna?
Set boundaries, Lean on your own social circle, seek support from a Kelowna counsellor or CMHA Kelowna caregiver groups, and practice self-care through activities like hiking Knox Mountain or taking time to enjoy a vineyard. Also, look to share responsibilities with others to avoid burnout.

Case Study

1. Case Study: How a Kelowna Counsellor Helped A Client Overcome Suicidal Ideation and Rediscover Purpose

Conclusion

Supporting someone in Kelowna who is struggling with depression, passive suicidal ideation, or a lack of desire to live is a challenging but vital journey. By listening without judgment, respecting their autonomy, and gently guiding them toward support that works for them, you can offer hope.

Whether they express thoughts like “I don’t want to live like this, but I don’t want to die” or resist help due to stigma or control, your patience, practical support, and safety planning can make a profound impact. Leverage local resources like Unyielding Health & Wellness, Foundry Kelowna, CMHA, and the BC Crisis Line to ensure both you and your loved one receive the care needed. Caregiving is exhausting, so prioritize your own well-being to sustain your support. Take it one step at a time, and know that your presence is a powerful beacon of hope.

Resources For Support In Kelowna

 Kelowna and British Columbia offer robust mental health resources for individuals and caregivers:

• Unyielding Health & Wellness: Located in Kelowna’s Landmark District, offering compassionate counseling and therapy for depression, suicidal ideation, and other conditions.
• Foundry Kelowna: Free mental health and substance use support for youth aged 12-24 (236) 420-2803)
• CMHA Kelowna: Community programs, support groups, and crisis support for all ages (250-861-3644).
• BC Crisis Line: 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) for 24/7 support.
• Interior Health Crisis Team: Call 310-MHSU (310-6478) for urgent local  mental health support.
• HealthLink BC: Dial 811 for non-emergency mental health guidance and referrals.
• BC Schizophrenia Society: Support for families of those with schizophrenia (1-888-888-0029).
• Crisis Text Line Canada (Kids Help Phone): Text “HOME” to 686868 for 24/7 crisis support.
• BC Mental Health Support Line: Call 310-6789 (no area code) for mental health resources.

Written By: Timothy Lamont C.C.C.

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