Below is a case study highlighting a hypothetical Kelowna parent and their adult child seeking counselling at Unyielding Health & Wellness to address enabling behaviours, struggles with independence, and strained family dynamics.
Clients
- Parent: Linda, a 60-year-old retired teacher in Kelowna, BC
- Adult Child: Alex, a 28-year-old living at home, unemployed
Presenting Issue
- Linda: Sought counselling due to stress, guilt, and resentment from financially supporting Alex, who lacks motivation to live independently. She feared enabling Alex’s dependency but worried that setting boundaries would damage their relationship.
- Alex: Reported anxiety, low self-esteem, and a sense of purposelessness, feeling stuck and overly reliant on Linda’s support. Alex’s lack of initiative led to frequent arguments, increasing family tension.
- Joint Concern: Both wanted a healthier relationship but struggled with how to foster Alex’s independence without escalating conflict or stress.
Background
- Linda: Described a pattern of paying Alex’s bills (e.g., phone, groceries) and allowing rent-free living, hoping to provide stability. She felt guilty, believing she hadn’t prepared Alex for adulthood, and feared Alex’s anger if she stopped helping.
- Alex: Expressed feelings of failure, believing, “I’ll never be able to manage on my own,” and questioned, “What’s the point of trying?” Their dependency on Linda’s support deepened self-doubt and resentment toward her involvement.
- Joint Issue: Their dynamic was strained by Linda’s enabling and Alex’s lack of responsibility, leading to mutual frustration and a desire for change.
Therapeutic Approach
The counsellor, a Certified Canadian Counsellor (C.C.C.) with the Canadian Counselling and Psychotherapy Association (CCPA) used an integrative approach combining Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy (REBT), Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), and Existential Therapy. The goals were to help Linda set boundaries without guilt, empower Alex to take responsibility for their life, and improve their relationship through mutual respect and accountability.
Counselling Adults & Parents In Kelowna: Initial Assessment
Process:
- Using Existential Therapy, the counsellor explored Linda’s guilt and Alex’s purposelessness through open-ended questions (e.g., “What does a meaningful life look like for each of you?”). Linda valued family harmony and personal peace; Alex valued freedom and self-worth.
- With CBT, the counsellor identified cognitive distortions: Linda’s catastrophizing (“If I stop helping, Alex will hate me”) and Alex’s all-or-nothing thinking (“I’m either independent or a failure”).
- REBT pinpointed irrational beliefs. Linda believed, “I must fix Alex’s problems, or I’m a bad parent.” Alex believed, “I must succeed perfectly, or I’m worthless.” The ABC model (Activating event, Belief, Consequence) showed how these beliefs fueled stress and dependency.
- Joint sessions revealed Linda’s enabling (e.g., paying bills) perpetuated Alex’s reliance, while Alex’s inaction frustrated Linda, creating a cycle of tension.
Outcome: Linda and Alex felt validated and hopeful. They agreed on goals: Linda to set boundaries without guilt, Alex to take steps toward independence, and both to improve communication and trust.
How REBT Can Help
Goals: Challenge irrational beliefs to reduce Linda’s guilt and Alex’s anxiety, promoting healthier boundaries and self-reliance.
Process:
- The counsellor used REBT’s disputing technique to challenge Linda’s belief (“I must fix Alex’s problems”). Through Socratic questioning (“Does helping always mean solving their issues?”), Linda recognized this belief as self-defeating, learning she could support without enabling.
- Alex’s belief (“I must succeed perfectly”) was challenged with questions like, “Does one setback define your worth?” They practiced rational self-statements, such as, “I’d prefer to succeed, but mistakes don’t make me worthless.”
- Linda was assigned homework to pause before offering financial help, reframing her role as a guide (e.g., “I’ll help you plan, not pay”). Alex practiced daily affirmations to counter self-doubt, like, “I can take small steps toward independence.”
- The counsellor taught REBT-based emotional regulation, such as deep breathing for Linda during guilt triggers and mindfulness for Alex during anxiety spikes.
Outcome: Linda reported less guilt when saying “no” to financial requests, feeling more confident in her boundaries. Alex’s anxiety decreased, though they still struggled with initiating action.
How CBT Can Help
Goals: Modify cognitive distortions and develop adaptive behaviors to improve Linda’s boundary-setting and Alex’s responsibility-taking.
Process:
- Using CBT, the counsellor guided Linda through thought records to reframe distortions like catastrophizing. For example, “Alex will hate me if I stop paying” became, “Alex may be upset, but our relationship can grow stronger with boundaries.”
- Alex used thought records to challenge all-or-nothing thinking, reframing “I’m a failure if I can’t move out now” to “I can make progress with small steps, like budgeting.”
- Behavioral experiments tested their fears. Linda agreed to stop paying Alex’s phone bill for one month, observing if it strained their relationship. Alex committed to creating a weekly budget, testing if it reduced dependency. Both found their fears exaggerated.
- The counsellor introduced a positive data log: Linda tracked successful boundary-setting moments (e.g., redirecting Alex to problem-solve), and Alex noted small achievements (e.g., cooking meals to save money).
Outcome: Linda felt less stressed, confidently setting limits like requiring Alex to contribute to groceries. Alex gained confidence, managing small expenses independently and reporting improved self-esteem.
How Existential Therapy Can Help
Goals: Address Linda’s guilt and Alex’s purposelessness, aligning their actions with personal values to foster a healthier relationship.
Process:
- The counsellor used Existential Therapy to explore Linda’s guilt, asking, “What does being a ‘good parent’ mean to you now?” Linda realized fostering Alex’s independence aligned with her value of family harmony, reducing her need to “fix” everything.
- Alex explored purposelessness through questions like, “What gives you a sense of freedom?” They identified creativity (e.g., drawing) and helping others as fulfilling, setting a goal to volunteer once a month at a Kelowna community center.
- The counsellor used logotherapy-inspired exercises, asking both to envision a future with a balanced relationship. Linda pictured enjoying time with Alex without financial strain; Alex imagined living independently, and hosting her parents for dinner with pride.
- Linda was encouraged to embrace her freedom to prioritize self-care (e.g., joining a Kelowna book club), while Alex took responsibility for daily tasks to build purpose.
Outcome: Linda felt less burdened, engaging in hobbies that reduced stress. Alex reported a renewed sense of purpose through volunteering, improving their mood and initiative, which eased family tension.
Counselling Adults & Parents In Kelowna: Integration, Results, and Termination
Goals: Consolidate progress, plan for maintenance, and prepare for therapy conclusion.
Process:
- The counsellor reviewed progress, integrating REBT and CBT to reinforce rational beliefs and strategies. Linda practiced a “self-coaching” script for guilt (e.g., “Saying no helps Alex grow”), while Alex used affirmations for setbacks (e.g., “I’m learning, not failing”).
- Existential Therapy helped both reflect on their growth. Linda valued her redefined role as a supportive guide, and Alex saw independence as a journey aligned with their values.
- A maintenance plan was assigned: Linda would journal boundary-setting successes and join a Kelowna parent support group; Alex would continue volunteering and use budgeting apps like Mint, with follow-up sessions offered to both at anytime.
- Joint sessions focused on communication, practicing phrases like, “I’m here to listen, not solve,” for Linda, and “I’d like your advice, not a fix,” for Alex.
Outcome: Linda rated her stress at 2/10 (down from 8/10) and felt confident in her boundaries. Alex rated anxiety at 3/10 (down from 8/10), managing basic expenses and planning to move out within six months. Their relationship improved, with fewer arguments and more mutual respect.
Results
Linda and Alex achieved significant improvements:
- Stress and Anxiety Reduction: Linda’s stress dropped from 8/10 to 2/10; Alex’s anxiety decreased from 8/10 to 3/10.
- Boundary-Setting: Linda set firm boundaries (e.g., Alex pays for phone and groceries), reducing enabling and stress.
- Independence: Alex managed small expenses, volunteered, and planned for independent living, boosting self-esteem and purpose.
- Relationship Improvement: Arguments decreased, replaced by open communication and mutual respect, aligning with their shared value of family connection.
Why This Approach Worked
- REBT: Addressed irrational beliefs driving Linda’s guilt and Alex’s anxiety, enabling Linda to set boundaries and Alex to embrace imperfect progress. The ABC model clarified how beliefs fueled their dynamic.
- CBT: Provided tools like thought records and behavioral experiments to reframe distortions and build confidence in boundary-setting and responsibility-taking.
- Existential Therapy: Tackled deeper questions of meaning, helping Linda redefine her role and Alex find purpose through values-driven actions, complementing cognitive work.
- Integration: Combining REBT’s focus on beliefs, CBT’s structured strategies, and Existential Therapy’s exploration of purpose created a holistic approach addressing immediate tensions and long-term relational growth.
Written By: Timothy Lamont C.C.C.
Disclaimer: The client names, details, and background used in this case study were generated with the assistance of Grok, an AI developed by xAI. AI enhances the results found within the case study, however it can make mistakes. The information and analysis presented in this case study have been critically reviewed and validated by a human therapist, who remains solely responsible for its application. Any resemblance to real persons, living or deceased, or actual events is purely coincidental. Therapists at Unyielding Health & Wellness uphold client confidentiality to the highest standard in accordance with Canadian and British Columbian privacy laws, including the Personal Information Protection Act (PIPA).
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