Change is rarely linear, and no two people are the same. I’ll often tell people this phrase “It’s one thing to walk a mile in another person’s shoes, but As a counsellor in Kelowna supporting clients through anxiety, sadness, feeling stuck, and I often draw on the stages of change model to help people make sense of their journey toward purposeful action. This model (which has stood the test of time so far) was first developed by Prochaska and DiClemente in 1977; It outlines how people move through different phases when addressing behaviours they want to shift. This post focuses on the first two stages, precontemplation and contemplation, as part of a four-part blog series, (maybe 5 or 6 depending where things go).
Spending time in these early stages is essential. Rushing past precontemplation and contemplation often leads to short-lived change (if any).
The shift from unawareness to awareness followed by ambivalence exploration are hallmarks of these stages, respectively and are the building blocks self-compassion and intrinsic motivation can spring from, making later progress toward hope and purposeful living more sustainable and authentic. In addition, spending time uncovering and deciding (if, when, where, how, why, who) to focus your time and energy makes for a greater chance you spend those resources effectively and efficiently, in pursuit of your goals, (even if you don’t know it yet!).
Pre-contemplation: Not Yet Aware of Change
In precontemplation, individuals do not see their situation, behaviours, emotions, or thoughts as a problem or are not considering change in the near (or far) future. There may be denial, unawareness of consequences, or a sense that the challenge belongs to others, and they hold 0% of the responsibility, ultimately leading to no care to change. In-other-words, they don’t know what they don’t know and in this sense they are innocent. At the same time however, there can be a fine line between innocence/naivety, and ignorance. And there is often beauty in the eye of the beholder coming into play from both sides as well.
As a Kelowna therapist, I rarely see clients in this stage as it quite often seems to be a prerequisite to have even some awareness of a problem/challenge to participate in counselling.
The most personified example of someone in this stage would be a parent dragging their teen to counselling who is not all too interested in attending; or walking through the door thinking it was a different appointment altogether, blindsided! but even that is quite rare, so rare in fact that it hasn’t happened…. yet.
Example Precontemplations
- Thoughts: “This is not really a problem”, “Change is impossible for me”
- Emotions: Hopelessness, denial, resignation, defensiveness,
- Behaviours: Avoiding or moving on from the topic, minimal efforts in certain areas of life.
Common Myths in Precontemplation
- People here are ignorant, lazy or lack willpower
- Denial means they will never change
- Confrontation will force them to see the truth
Pre-contemplation Interventions
Pre-contemplation interventions are often done by family members, partners, or friends when they are trying to influence their loved one to change in some way (hopefully not forcefully, or in a controlling, demanding nature!) as by the very definitions of this stage, the person that you would prefer to change doesn’t know or even consider it yet.
The goal here is not to push and/or force action but to raise awareness of consequences and natural curiosity, while we continue to look after ourselves. By exploring current realities with the individual in question neutrally/where they are at, we uncover hidden or not so hidden costs of staying stuck and spark curiosity about change/hope. Small shifts happen when people feel safe to reflect on patterns, outcomes, or consequences without fear of criticism.
- Consciousness-raising questions to gently explore impacts on daily life. Perhaps a partner notices their loved one looking out-of-character, or exactly how they wouldn’t want them to feel and is curious about it and brings it up in a gentle way.
- Normalising and learning from stories of others who started from similar stuck places, or going through change or adjustment as well. As a person in that person’s life watching youtube, reading, listening, whatever way you enjoy to soak in more information can be helpful.
- Practicing communication skills yourself: There is a basic truth in that you will have more control over your ability to respond than influencing someone else, especially when the person you’d prefer to change is steadfast, unintentionally? Perhaps there is something you’d like to say to the naive/ignorant individual in your life, but you have difficulty saying it, or the conversation falls apart or divulges into chaos shortly after its brought up. Often there will be patterns, reflecting on those and how you can respond differently can be helpful, and catching yourself before helplessness or hopelessness takes hold is important to consider as well!
- Influence Through Consequence – While you cannot control a person, you can attempt to influence them. Attempting to influence a person comes in many ways, broadly categorized into consequences the person in question you’d like to influence will appreciate, or not (within the bounds of the law). It is up to you whether you forewarn/explain the consequences to the person.
- Acceptance & Setting boundaries – How much time and energy are you willing & able to dedicate to this, and how does it integrate into your broader life?
Stay tuned for the next one on Contemplation!
Written by Kelowna Therapist Tim Lamont C.C.C.
