Contemplation is marked by the first (and often ongoing) complaint, curiosity, stab, or whisper which marks growing awareness that a change might be needed (and wanted?). People acknowledge the challenge and begin thinking about possible solutions, yet they remain ambivalent; torn between paths. They might research options, talk about change, or imagine a different future while still feeling pulled to stay the same, preferably or not.
A client might recognise that avoidance maintains their anxiety, but have further anxiety about the discomfort of facing the feelings’ roots; Or recognise that old patterns limit connection, hesitating due to uncertainty. Preferable aspects of change, such as greater self-trust and meaningful connections, compete with uncomfortable aspects like fear of failure or loss of familiar coping habits. Oftentimes, deciding what path to take isn’t easy.
Support during contemplation involves helping Kelowna therapy clients clarify values, build motivation and momentum, and understand why changing (or not changing) is worthwhile to them.
Examples That You Might Be In A Contemplative Stage
- Thoughts: “I might need to change but I am unsure if I can”, “what if it does/doesn’t work out the way I would want it to?”
- Emotions: Ambivalence, anxiety about the unknown, cautious hope
- Behaviours: Researching possibilities, discussing change without committing
Common Myths In Contemplation
- Ambivalence means they are not serious about change
- They just need a strong enough reason to act immediately
- Staying in contemplation is a waste of time
Some Interventions And Strategies To Help Individuals And Loved Ones In Kelowna and British Columbia Who Are In A Contemplative Stage
Contemplation interventions support therapy clients who have started to recognize that change may be needed but feel stuck in ambivalence; seeing both the costs of staying the same and the fears or uncertainties of moving forward. This stage is marked by internal tension around (impossible?) choices and the pull between a familiar before and an unknown after.
The goal for both loved ones and the individual is the same: create enough safety and clarity to explore ambivalence honestly, reconnect with personal values, and build enough hope to consider taking the next step, without pressure or forced action. Real progress often comes from feeling understood and from small, self-directed experiments that reduce and/ or counter fears of the unknown and build a sense of a sense of pride, responsibility, and control in one’s life all leading to this hope that positive change (the preferable outcome) is possible. As a Kelowna therapist, this is often the stage I meet most people at, however there is a broad spectrum to be found here. Some people reach out and begin counselling sessions at the first sign of contemplation, others reach out after months, years, or even decades of contemplation.
For Loved Ones and Supporters In Kelowna
- Reflect both sides without taking one: Mirror back what you hear about the reasons for staying the same as well as the reasons change feels important. This helps the person feel heard and begins to untangle the conflict on their own terms.
- Connect change to deeper values and identity: Explore what kind of person or life they want and how their current patterns align (or don’t) with that vision. This surfaces intrinsic motivation rather than external pressure and a reconnecting/remembering with themselves. This is one of my favourites as a Kelowna therapist!
- Normalize the stuck feeling: Let them know that feeling torn and uncertain is common, there is a lot of benefit to taking time reflectively and in an imaginary sense going down different paths and seeing pitfalls, before falling into them in reality, just so long as they also understand that change without personal action is often more cumbersome.
- Story Telling: Sharing stories of others who eventually moved through similar ambivalence can spur inspiration. If you don’t have a personal story, there is a good chance you can find someone going through a similar situation (quite specifically sometimes in fact!) on youtube or social media.
- Rational Emotive Imagery: Ask what one tiny step toward the life they want might look like, or invite them to imagine the “after” when things go preferably. Or even what things could look like in 1,5,10, 20 years.
- Protect your own boundaries: Stay clear about what you can and cannot carry emotionally, or what you are willing to be responsible for. Modeling healthy limits while remaining supportive helps them see that change doesn’t require anyone to lose themselves.
For the Person in Contemplation Here In Kelowna
- Do an honest decisional balance: Write out the pros and cons of changing versus staying the same. Include both practical and emotional consequences. This exercise often reveals where the real weight of the decision lies. When was the last time you sat down with a pen and paper for 10 minutes a day?
- Reflect on what matters most to you and clarify your core values: The kind of person you want to be and the life you want to live. Notice any gap between your current patterns and those values. Again, values-based work is an area I have found helps a lot of people in Kelowna as a therapist!
- Explore the “after” in detail: Spend time imagining or journaling what your preffered life could actually look like if you made the change. Make it specific and sensory so the future feels more real and less frightening. What emotions, thoughts, and scenes are coming up?
- Run small, low-stakes experiments: Test one tiny version of the change for a short period (a day, a week) with no long-term commitment. Track how it feels. These experiments can build evidence and momentum and reduce fear of the unknown after.
- Seek outside support: My opinion is a bit biased here, but I believe that talking with and opening up to a trusted person in your life about what’s going on and sharing the load is incredibly helpful. A person who can help support you as you explore your ambivalence without pushing an agenda. You never know where the conversation could go!
Moving Forward
Recognising these early stages removes pressure to rush. Progress often starts with permission to feel stuck. In my Kelowna therapy and counselling practice, I help clients and their loved ones move from pre-contemplation toward contemplation and beyond by creating a non-judgemental space for honest reflection. If you missed the first article in this series, please CLICK HERE.
If you see yourself in these descriptions, I offer a complimentary 20-minute consultation to see if we are a good fit CLICK HERE to book!
Stay tuned for the next posts on preparation and action.
Written by Kelowna Therapist Tim Lamont C.C.C.
